He Watched Him
by LadyAstralis
Summary: Zoro's got a problem. He can't keep his eyes off of his captain! What's he gonna doooo! yaoi
1. Default Chapter

He watched him.  
  
It was innocent enough. Just a few casual glimpses, sizing him up, deciding whether it had been a good decision to make him his captain. At first.  
  
And he watched him still. After Luffy had proven time and time again that, yes, he was the best captain Zoro could have asked for. So, Zoro told himself that the reason he watched him from the corner of his eye during his training was because he was looking for something. Like…a clue that Luffy wasn't all he seemed. I mean, no one could be that innocent right? Surely, if he watched him enough, Luffy would eventually slip up and reveal an evil face.  
  
So he watched him. And after that reason dissolved when Zoro realized he whole-heartedly trusted his new captain, he found another reason. And another. A real slew of explanations of why, why, he just couldn't keep his eyes off that smiling, care-free face. Some of which included: Surely, the smile that swallowed his entire face merited staring. Really, was it all that odd that Zoro looked? He'd never met someone like that guy before, after all. How'd he get that scar? I must be looking at his hat….really, who wears straw hats anymore?  
  
But Zoro couldn't delude himself long that he was looking at Luffy's hat. Puh-lease.  
  
He found himself lying on the deck, watching him as he pretended to sleep. And he got rather angry at himself, to tell the truth. Wasting perfectly good snooze time to watch his captain, who he'd looked at enough already, surely? Certainly, he'd seen enough by now to memorize his face a hundred times over. So WHY couldn't he STOP?  
  
Luffy'd even noticed it. "Oi, Zoro! What'd I do now? Ya keep givin' me death glares! Wanna fight?" And Zoro would make something up, knocking Luffy upside the head and pretending his captain had pissed him off somehow. Nobody thought anything of it. Except Zoro of course.  
  
Following this rather drawn out period of ticked confusion, Zoro just gave up. Who cared if he looked? It would stop eventually. Now, it almost looked as if he was staring off into space as he watched him.  
  
….  
  
That didn't last long. Stupid Love Cook.  
  
"Why don't you just jump him already Zoro?" was the whispered comment during dinner. The water Zoro'd been drinking rained down on them all. More like pummeled them. The food-fight that'd followed sufficiently distracted the crew from asking what Sanji'd said to prompt the spewage.  
  
But Zoro was rarely distracted (Except by a certain someone obviously). He tossed and turned the entire night, and his 'observation skills' took on a new level. He felt almost like he had "hawk-eyes" himself, what with the way he now looked at Luffy. No detail went un-pondered, no comment went un-….listened to.  
  
Really, Zoro mused, Luffy had some muscles when he wasn't acting like a rubber band. Operating a ship like the Going Merry required them after all, even though Luffy never seemed to train, in spite of all those freaks he managed to get tangled with. As for his body (for some reason, Zoro almost flushed when he thought "body." Was he really thinking about Luffy's body?!), he wasn't like Sanji, who was all angles, or Ussop who looked like he was made of putty. Or curvy like Nami (and later, Nico Robin) but that goes without saying. Luffy had his own slender, youthful lines that looked…well….bendy. Heh.  
  
Zoro pondered…does all of Luffy stretch? Hastily shaking his head, he railed at his mind that this was a dangerous line of thought and to stop immediately you idiot!  
  
Why's he looking at his hat like that? Was that a glint in his eye? Is he….smirking?  
  
Zoro ran a hand through his hair, which was quite difficult, considering. He had to do something to stop this…watching. It was driving him bonkers, like that Buggy freak. Zoro imagined himself with a big red nose, popping into pieces while watching Luffy. He chuckled.  
  
But Zoro was a man of action, right? No fore-thought or regrets, and all that. Would it really be so earth-shatteringly wrong if he just….to put it in the Love Cook's words… "jumped" Luffy?  
  
Well, he had to do something. So, when the sun's descent started burning the sky black and everyone agreed it was time to sleep, Zoro stayed. Because Luffy did too (sitting on his little "perch").  
  
Zoro walked to the fore of the deck towards his captain, and leaned against the railing. Luffy was gazing at the pearl-brilliant moon, so Zoro threw his glance up there too. "Gonna turn into a werewolf or somethin'?" Zoro said calmly, though he was desperate to start a conversation to delay the inevitable (what that would be, he hadn't a clue).  
  
"Nah. Hey! A weremonkey would be cool though, huh?"  
  
"Weremonkey?" Zoro said, with a roll of his eyes and trying to withhold a smirk.  
  
"Ne…Is the moon really made a cheese? Ace told me that once, but…Moon cheese…." Luffy said, with that hungry look.   
  
Now Zoro really did grin. "Are you an idiot? Although, I'd bet you'd go to moon just to check, huh?"  
  
"Haha! Maybe I'll reach that far someday!"  
  
A companionable silence followed.  
  
"Have you ever, ya know, touched someone?" Zoro said abruptly.   
  
Luffy looked somewhat confused, then stretched his arm and poked Zoro's upper arm again and again. "What, like this?"  
  
"Cut it out you dumbass! That's not what I meant!" yelled Zoro, with the sharp teeth/big eyes look the Going Merry crew often got when trying to talk rationally with their captain. It really took patience, ya know!  
  
At this point, Zoro could have easily brushed off his earlier question. Luffy, after all, didn't really care about things he didn't understand. But, dammit! Zoro would NOT be beaten by mere words! "What I meant was, have you ever….has anyone….private…love... fucking birds and the bees and all that?!"  
  
"Are you stupid, Zoro? Of course I have!"  
  
….  
  
Well, you can imagine how this affected our struggling friend. Luffy! More experienced than himself! Zoro, understandably, was so fixed on being the World's Strongest Swordsman etc etc that….well…..he'd never spared much of a thought for sex. When Kuina's dad had sat him down for "the talk," Zoro hadn't really been interested. He only had one goal. And being a pirate hunter hadn't exactly been 'exciting' in that way, after all. Of course, Zoro wasn't against the occasional release of sexual tension, on his own time, but sharing that private time with someone went against his way of thinking.  
  
But now Luffy was one up on him! This couldn't be allowed—  
  
"Of course I've eaten birds and bees!" Luffy declared triumphantly.  
  
Dooooooooooooooooooong. Zoro choked in exasperation. "Godammit Luffy! Have you ever had sex?!!"  
  
"What? Sex? Oh, that. Nah. Looks painful," Luffy stated disgustedly.  
  
"Looks? You mean, you've seen someone have sex?" asked Zoro, with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Ah. Before Ace left to become a pirate, I saw him and this chick doing it," and at this, Luffy sort of giggled like a child talking of something forbidden.  
  
Suddenly, Zoro realized he was talking to a person that just wouldn't get it if he was asked, "Hey, wanna fuck?" It was just over his head. Well, this would take some real thinking. Best to sleep on it.  
  
So Zoro slept on it. Days passed. He just couldn't think of what to do! He was so distracted on the problem of "How can I get it through that thick skull of his that I want him?" that he forgot to look at Luffy all the time. He stopped eating (well, heartily anyway). He began to run into things in his distraction, like the mast, and Chopper. Although, everyone did agree that it was funny when Zoro fell over the side of the ship into the water, and Sanji had to drag him back on board. Sanji was rather furious, which made it funnier.  
  
After a particularly humiliating experience including a mop, one of Ussop's hot sauce bullets, and a tangerine tree, Sanji forced Zoro into the kitchen and said, point blank, "Get yourself together, stupid swordsman! You're acting like a lovesick puppy!"   
  
Hypocrite.  
  
Zoro crossed his arms and said coolly, "Why do you care?"  
  
Sanji took out a cigarette, slowly lit it, and took a long, drawn out drag. Exhaling smoke, he said finally, "You're right. I don't."  
  
This silence wasn't quite so companionable as the last.  
  
A notion started forming in Zoro's mind, but he squashed it. It would be a cold day in Alabaster before Zoro asked anything of the Love Cook. Look at him! Standing there as if he knew all the secrets of love in the world! Disgusting.  
  
"Let me give you some advice." It took Zoro a lot of control to not bury his fist in Sanji's curly-eyebrowed face, but hey. Maybe he wouldn't have to ask now. Zoro grunted.  
  
Sanji continued. "Any hints you drop won't work. He's too thick. The only way you can let him know is with action."  
  
"Why should I take advice from a guy who doesn't get any action himself?" Zoro asked contemptuously.  
  
"How do you know what action I get?" Sanji said, smirking.  
  
Could it be? Is it possible that all the schmoozing, sickeningly-sweet acting paid off?  
  
"Anyway, just don't be forceful. He'd kick your ass," Sanji taunted.  
  
Zoro fumed. "No way! Wanna fight?!!"  
  
After which, predictably, they had to be hit by Nami to get back to their senses.  
  
Little did anyone realize, but something was going on with Luffy. In that simple, yet admirable brain of his, he noticed that Zoro no longer looked at him. He'd never thought anything of it, but he always knew that Zoro watched him more than the others. But Luffy wondered why he'd stopped…  
  
And so Luffy watched started watching him. Was Zoro really mad at him? Was it something he said? Say…weren't they talking about stuff the other night? Sex or something…  
  
Luffy had his puzzled expression on a bit more than usual for a couple weeks.  
  
As for our pal Zoro…  
  
Following Sanji's "advice"(stupid Cook), Zoro finally decided that there was no time like the present. It was time for him to actually make the move.  
  
So, the next time Zoro was alone with Luffy behind the cabin room, he pressed his bendy captain against the wall, looked into his wide eyes, and…  
  
…kissed him. Of course, Zoro, being the manly man that he is, liked to think of it as "ravaging his mouth." And Luffy, being the intelligent, sophisticated man that he is not, preferred to think of it as "WHAT THE HELL???!!!"  
  
And Zoro walked suavely away, leaving a gaping captain behind. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone! Wow, I never knew reviews could be so addicting! Especially the ones asking for more. So here you are!  
  
Well.  
  
Okay.  
  
So…..  
  
Yeah.  
  
Did Zoro just…?  
  
And thus, Luffy's brain started working again. At least…it went back to its normal standards.  
  
Which included a near constant demand for food. After all, when confused, EAT! In fact, when not confused, EAT! When recovering from a near-fatal-all-out-battle-for-the-fate-of-the-world fight, EAT WITH INDECENT PLEASURE!!!  
  
And as Luffy was stuffing his face, it occurred to him that maybe Zoro was trying to eat him. But no. That other personality, the one that came out when Luffy had to get "serious"(he cringed as the word appeared in his head) or really POed, reminded him that he knew perfectly well that was a *kiss*. Really, what was that side of him doing, rearing it's frowning face when there wasn't even an enemy nearby!  
  
So, dear readers, what do you think happens when one as innocent such as our captain has been kissed? Deflowered? Forced to face the fact that as a human, even if he is rubber, he is a sexual being??  
  
No really. Any ideas?  
  
Well, I don't know where your mind, being firmly entrenched in the gutter, strayed to. But Luffy decided that he needed some advice. If only he had a stable father figure in his life, like Shanks! Too bad he was off who knew where doing who knew what.  
  
Hey…that gutter is looking rather appetizing….  
  
::cough:: Back to the story. Luffy needed some advice, and since Zoro was an obvious "no", thinking about Chopper and sex was just *wrong*, Nami would probably make him pay 10 belli for every word, Nico Robin smacked people with an extra hand for interrupting her reading, and Sanji obviously didn't know what he was doing (I mean, hearts in the eyes were just so unfit for a future pirate king!) there was only one choice left.  
  
"Hey Ussop, can we talk for a sec?"  
  
Our resident liar extraordinaire was currently working on a new, super spatula with one hundred built-in extra tools for Sanji, who complained that he just didn't have good enough equipment on this hell-hole of a ship, for crying out loud! How did anyone expect him to make Nami-swan real gourmet dishes??!  
  
"What? Oh, sure Luffy," Ussop replied. "What's up?"  
  
"Nothin' much. You know anythin' bout sex?" asked Luffy curiously.  
  
After the first sputterings and wide-eyed stares, Ussop's voice(a little higher in pitch with incredulity) announced, "Why, my conquests are known throughout the land! I myself had a harem of over 50…no! A hundred gorgeous women at my beck and call. After all, you know what they say about men with big noses…"  
  
It went on like this for about 10 minutes, the tales getting taller and taller, and Luffy nodding every once in a while with that intelligent expression on his face that clearly said he didn't understand a word.  
  
"So," he said after Ussop was finished bragging about his sexual prowess, "sex is mysterious."  
  
Ussop bent his head with the weight of the ensuing sweatdrop. "Yes. Maybe you should ask Zoro. I bet he's not a virgin. Either, I mean of course," he added hastily. .;;  
  
At that moment, they both looked over toward the swordsman in question. He'd chosen a little less conspicuous place to train today (probably thinking to avoid a certain rubber man), but Luffy could still see the sweat glistening off his well-toned muscles and richly-tanned skin. It was a small ship after all was said and done. The sight made Luffy's mouth go dry, a decidedly unfamiliar sensation.  
  
And hey! Wasn't Ussop blabbering on about girls in that speech of his? But Zoro's a boy!  
  
And you wondered when Luffy would stumble across that glaringly obvious fact.  
  
Luffy immediately stomped over to said boy, and declared loudly, "What's with you Zoro?! You're a guy!" At which point, everyone turned to look at their captain with raised eyebrows. Is it just me, they all thought at once, or is Luffy getting stupider by the day?  
  
Well, Zoro for one, did NOT want to have this conversation in front of his crewmates (especially that Robin chick. There was something…shifty about that woman). So he proceeded to drag Luffy into a storage room below deck.  
  
Where he immediately pushed Luffy against the wall, again(really, does the man have to imagination?), and whispered, with his mouth close to his captain's ear, "Would you like me to show you what a guy can do?"  
  
"But, but!" Luffy protested, "Doesn't that make you gay?"  
  
Zoro stilled. "So? You have a problem with that?"  
  
Luffy blinked. "No…" he said slowly, "but isn't it kinda…unmanly?" He was, after all, worried about his reputation as future pirate king!  
  
The swordsman leaned back to look into Luffy's face and said, with droopy eye-lids, "Anything about me seem…unmanly….to you?" Luffy looked down, and gulped. "Besides, Sanji's straight, and look at him."  
  
Luffy smiled fully, right in Zoro's face (leaving him a little dazed, lemme tell ya), and said cheerfully, "Good point!" 


	3. Chapter 3

I'm new at this, so I've forgotten to put disclaimers. Forgive me Oda-samaaaa!  
  
All characters within are owned by Oda Eichirou and whatever company he works for... Yay One Piece!  
  
How was that for a first try?  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
So, we left our good buddies Zoro and Luffy, pressed passionately against one another, breathless with anticipation for....for.....  
  
Hmm. What were they going to do again?  
  
"So, Zoro, are we going to do sex now?" Luffy asked innocently, his eyelashes moving seductively.  
  
Wait a sec. Zoro looked a little closer. Don't "innocently" and "seductively" have completely different meanings? And since when does Luffy do anything seductively? Does Luffy even have eyelashes?!  
  
"Ouch, I've got something in my eye..." Oh.  
  
The truth was, now that Zoro had Luffy in this admittedly interesting position, Zoro didn't really know what to DO with the guy. He had half a mind to just throw him on the ground and....and....well, that was a nasty thought.  
  
"You know, Zoro, if it helps, I remember Ace had to put his **** into the girl's *****---" Luffy started to say.  
  
"Luffy. You don't HAVE a *****."  
  
"Oh yeaaaaah...."  
  
"This isn't gonna work." Zoro stated with frustration. He let go of his captain and walked to the middle of the room, thinking. Maybe he could get some helpful hints from the Love Cook…  
  
Luffy watched Zoro walk away with a stunned expression. Was Zoro giving up?! Well, Luffy wasn't gonna give up. The idea of sex with Zoro intrigued him now. Okay, maybe not so much "intrigued" as the fact that he was damned curious. And when Luffy gets curious, he starts thinking "adventure," and when Luffy gets to that particular point in his creative thought-process, not even a pack of snarling, giant white rabbits can change his mind.  
  
So, Luffy unknowingly took some of his cook's advice, and jumped onto Zoro eagerly.  
  
Now, I'm not going into detail cause this is a family show (yeah, right) and I haven't quite got the talent for it, but I'll just say this: They got on JUST FINE without more "helpful hints" from no stinking Love Cook.  
  
And, the next day, Luffy promptly told the entire crew.  
  
Luffy, after all, isn't one to keep secrets. Oh sure, his past is one big mystery, but that because no one's ASKED him about it. Could you possibly imagine a "furtive" look on that open-slash-stupid face? I thought not.  
  
So, when Ussop said at breakfast, rather jokingly, "So Luffy, have any sex since the great advice I gave you yesterday?" Luffy declared:  
  
"Yeah, and it hurts! But maybe that's cause Zoro's a guy."  
  
After about four seconds, everyone shrugged.  
  
As it turns out, serious romance isn't given much attention in our charming world of One Piece. 


	4. Chapter 4

After every major battle, Luffy and Zoro would rush to the Going Merry to make passionate loooooove in the cockpit (teehee! "cockpit"). Zoro would push his captain up against the wall (and occasionally a door if he was in the mood for a little "spice") and then CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED him. Those damn FCC bastards!   
  
And everything was going fine, really. No conflicts at all. But where's the fun in that, I ask you?  
  
So I'm gonna throw in a dash of "impossible" and a pinch of "what-the-hell?!" if you don't mind.  
  
One day, as the crew was sailing the all around blueness of Grandline, they came across an unexpected visitor.  
  
"Well, that's one heck of an unexpected visitor!" Usopp yelled from the crow's nest. It was his shift to be look-out, and imagine his surprise when, as he was innocently making up fabulous lies to tell Chopper, Mihawk appeared on the horizon. In his itty bitty boat. With his feather hat. And huge black sword (which, when you think about it, must be compensating for something).  
  
"Who is it Usopp?" Nami shouted back up to him as Luffy stretched an arm up to the top of the mast and popped himself into the crow's nest.  
  
"It's that guy….from that time…during the thing with the place!" Luffy exclaimed, excited. A fight was gonna happen, surely!  
  
"Hawk Eyes Mihawk!" Usopp clarified.  
  
Zoro started. Hawk Eyes? Here? Now?!  
  
Mihawk jumped up onto the deck, cape billowing. "Hello boyth!" He said flamboyantly with THE most glaringly obvious lisp the world had yet to be subjected to. "Tho good to thee you again!"  
  
He sure looked like Mihawk. He was definitely dressed as Mihawk. But something was wrong…He was completely, totally, and humiliatingly out-of-character. Whoopee! Time for some fun!  
  
"Mihawk…wh-what happened to your coolness?" Sanji said, stunned. He'd been almost as cool as Sanji himself!  
  
"What? Oh, that. Well, when I met you, I had a really big audienth. Now that it'th jutht friendth, I can be mythelf!"  
  
"You know, his new persona sure matches his outfit, unlike before…" Usopp muttered under his breath. Nami, Chopper, and Nico Robin didn't say anything. They'd never met the man, though they'd heard about him from the others over the kitchen table. Usopp had insisted that he'd "scared him off," but nobody listened to him. Except Chopper, of course.  
  
"Mihawk, you really should 'be yourself' more often. It would completely throw off any enemy you wanted to fight," Sanji remarked with a smirk.  
  
"Yeth, but it would ruin my badatth reputation! And it doesn't hurt my sex life either…"  
  
Suddenly, Mihawk dropped back into his smooth, serious attitude. He walked over to Zoro and said seductively, "Ah…the promising young swordsman. You have gotten stronger…much stronger. But not enough to make me a good challenge. Perhaps we might continue our previous business another time?" At this point, he was seriously invading Zoro's "personal bubble." Strangely, though, Zoro didn't seem to mind…he was almost blushing, come to think of it…  
  
He hadn't realized before that Mihawk was so….tall.  
  
Then Zoro straightened up. "I agree. This ship is too small anyway. And I'd rather not break it." Yes, the ship was much too small…little crowded in fact. Was it getting hot, or was it just him?  
  
For some reason, this fact didn't seem to be bothering Luffy all that much. In fact, he was already in his "shadows covering my eyes I'm about to open up a can of whoop-ass" phase of getting serious. Chopper and Usopp were easing away from him, looking anxious.  
  
"Um…Luffy?" Nami said rather timidly(whoa! More out of character-ness!), "You okay?" No answer. "Maybe you should…go have a snack! Sanji! Go cook something for Luffy!"  
  
"Yes Nami-san!" Sanji said with as little schmoozing as possible, understanding the dangerousness of the situation. Damn! They needed a bigger boat!  
  
Luffy seemed torn. Go to the kitchen and eat….or kick some major ass? In the end, Mihawk made the decision for him by stepping out of Zoro's range and saying, "Food? Thoundth good, I'm thtarving!"  
  
It was really amazing how fast the Love Cook could…well….cook, when the situation called for it. He had them sitting around the kitchen table, munching on snacks in 2 minutes flat.  
  
Unfortunately, the problem wouldn't seem to just go away. Mihawk was sitting next to Zoro at the table, subtly leaning toward him. Hey, sailing alone for a few weeks on a tiny raft could really get you down! Who wouldn't want to get some….friendship? At the time however, Luffy was concentrating on food and had no room in his mind for anything else.  
  
But the captain noticed in the next few days, oh yes. Mihawk stuck to Zoro like Nami to her treasure. During a casual conversation, a brush of the shoulder, a press of the thigh. And every time Luffy noticed, he'd get more than eager to start a fight---but then someone would always interrupt and suggest a bite to eat. They simply couldn't let anyone fight Mihawk --- The Going Merry would surely be destroyed, and they were sailing in the middle of nowhere! Luffy, Chopper, and Nico Robin -– the resident Devil Fruit eaters --- would all drown, and THEN where would they be?  
  
As for Zoro, well…He'd grow increasingly uncomfortable with Mihawk's second personality, and would be about to tell him to buzz off---when he'd drop into that *stimulating* first personality.  
  
After all, Zoro'd been chasing after this man for half his life, he couldn't just *reject* him. Besides, he might get angry and slice up the ship. And, though he'd never admit even with a knife to his throat, he secretly kinda sorta liked the attention.  
  
Three tension-filled days after Mihawk's arrival, Luffy walked into the pantry to see…  
  
*Mihawk* was pressing *Zoro* against the wall! That's not the way things worked! *Zoro* should be the one pressing things up against the wall! Namely Luffy!  
  
Luffy wrenched Mihawk off Zoro, turned him around, then socked him a good one. Thank goodness the force made him fly into Sanji (having just opened the door to get some spices from the pantry) who managed to stop him from plowing through the wall and making a giant hole in the ship. Whoo, close one. They'd only dented it.  
  
Luffy stormed over to Mihawk, now lying dazed on the floor (Sanji was stuck in the dent in the wall). "You asshole! I'm gonna *destroy* you!!!" Luffy yelled, cracking his knuckles. The other crewmembers rushed into the hallway, sensing a disaster. On the floor, Mihawk rubbed the blooming bruise on his jaw with his left hand.  
  
Pop. Mr. 2 Bon Clay appeared in his place.  
  
Everyone's eyes grew reeeaaaally reeeeeeaaaally big.  
  
Ohmygod. He'd been flirting with the okama. 


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, you all might be wanting to know how the heck Bon Clay had managed to touch Mihawk's face. Well, it's a long story...  
  
...that I ain't gonna tell ya. Maybe some other time. A subplot in the far far future.  
  
Oh, okay okay. Your passionate demands have persuaded me. No need to get all bitchy, jeez...  
  
"You see," Mr. 2 started, "I'd always wanted to meet the man. Heard he had great fashion sense, a nice hat, and a great ballet dancer to boot! Turns out that last one was just a rumor." His face seemed to wilt a bit. "Too bad, he has the legs for it."  
  
"Just get on with the story," Sanji muttered while preparing biscuits to go with the tea they were all drinking in the ship's kitchen. Zoro appeared to have developed a chronic twitch around his right eye.  
  
Bon Clay sniffed. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...It turned out that we have the same hair stylist. An absolute hair genius with Kami Kami fruit powers. The things he can do with hair! So, Mihawk's sharp goatee-thing needs constant maintenance(or so I've heard). Seems that even though he can swing that huge sword with ease, he has the hardest time with a razor. Go figure."  
  
Nami rolled her eyes. Ussop pretended to gag. Sanji looked interested and said, "Ya know, it really is hard to get the perfect combination of ruggedness and good hygiene. What was this guy's name again?"  
  
The okama looked happy to be asked a question, even if it was from the man that had defeated him a while back. But hey! Hair questions are important! "Well," he said, "you can find him on Style Island. Martaine's Beauty Salon."  
  
"Style Island? Never heard of it," Nami scoffed. Zoro was still looking a little queasy.  
  
Bon Clay, however, looked scandalized. "Never heard of it!? What kind of pirates ARE you?"  
  
"Straight ones," Ussop muttered to Chopper, who snorted his tea. Then looked quickly at Luffy and Zoro. "Whoops..." Ussop remembered.  
  
"Hurry it up already!" Sanji barked. He wanted this weirdo off his boat. Too many mouths to feed already.  
  
Mr. 2 huffed. "So basically, I took Martaine's appearance to trim Mihawk's facial hair, and voila! Easy to touch his face." The rest murmured niceties like "good plan" and "wish I'd thought of that" while holding cups of steaming chamomile tea.  
  
Luffy quickly lifted his head and looked accusingly at Bon Clay. "Hey wait! Wasn't I gonna kick your ass?"  
  
Everyone suddenly stood up, pushing their chairs back, and made for Mr. 2. "Well it was nice seeing you again..." "Really should catch up some more but, you know..." "We've got some important business to attend to so..." "Don't be a stranger!" they said while ushering the okama out the door and onto the little raft. Nico Robin pushed it off with her extra hands, and Mr. 2 was floating away shouting something that sounded vaguely like, "Zoro! I want to have your children!" but was more than likely obscured by the noises of the nearby giant blowfish deflating.  
  
The crew let out a collective "Wheeeeeew..." then glanced at Luffy who was scratching his head adorably. "So that wasn't Mihawk?" 


End file.
